


If Our Stars Align.

by psyleedee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Boyfriends, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hunter Dean Winchester, Implied Sexual Content, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Smut, Minor Castiel/Michael (Supernatural), Past Castiel/Dean Winchester, Post-High School, Reunions, Romance, Sad Dean Winchester, Sweet Castiel/Dean Winchester, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Writer Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21793756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psyleedee/pseuds/psyleedee
Summary: On a dark, rainy night, Dean finds shelter at a lonesome bar in Leavenworth, heading home from a solo hunt.It just so happens, that his first love and boyfriend, Castiel, is at the same bar.10 years have gone by.Can 10 years worth of love be made up for?In one single night?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Michael (Supernatural)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76





	If Our Stars Align.

**Author's Note:**

> Canon Divergent: Dean and Cas are 27, Sam's at college, John is alive and hunting, Dean is a hunter.  
> Cas is a writer.

The sound of splattering of rain upon the Impala's windshield was enough to keep Dean awake at four a.m. in the morning, as he drove along the highway, making his way into Leavenworth. An hour more, and he'd be in Lawrence, where he'd meet John at around eleven, to discuss about their next case.

With a deep breath, Dean tilted his neck, massaging it with his other hand to push away any cricks, for he'd been driving for about three hours now, in the endless rain, coming back from a hunt in Illinois. Hunts were never easy, especially solo ones. Sam had been gone for a month now, and Dean only hoped he was doing well in college. Stanford, huh. Pretty clear who got the smart genes.

Dean groaned to himself, rubbing his eyes for a moment, before focusing on the road again. It was too empty to stop for a meal either. Once the highway ended and he touched the suburbs, maybe he could find a Gas and Sip, but he doubts anyone would be open at such an ungodly time in the night, especially during a rainstorm.

About half an hour later, he glanced at a sign that said he had entered the main city of Leavenworth and Dean huffed in relief. Just about an hour to reach home. As he drove, he noticed little shops, although closed, adorning the sides of the road. Small diners, bars, boutiques, and salons decked the road. A few shops had dim lights on, distinguishable in the darkness outside. It seemed like the city was dead, inhabited by nothingness, but Dean was too used to scenes like this to care. 

As he rounded a corner, a light emerging from a little bar caught his eye. The sign said open, so Dean thought it wouldn't hurt to visit. What's the worst that could happen? Dean might be told to leave for closing time, s'all. Not bad. Besides, Dean was too tired from driving. He needed at least one drink. Not that he advocated drunk driving, but one drink would be harmless. The rain had toned down, and the clouds appeared less terrifyingly black, and more tranquil blue. Dean parked a few feet away from the little bar, and decided he'd sprint through the rain. So he killed the engine, pocketed his cell phone and car keys, making sure he had his wallet with him, tugged on his jacket, and opened the door of the car, closing it with a slam, and sprinting over to the tiny entrance of the bar. 

As soon as he entered, he pulled the door shut behind him, and the sharp scent of whiskey hit his nostrils. Dean patted off some dampness from his face, brushing his fingers through his hair, glad that the rain hadn't drenched him much. A few eyes turned to him, as he inspected his surroundings. He smiled, to no one in general, and headed over to a few high stools and hopped onto one. 

When Dean looked up, he was met with only a handful of people, the bartender, a burly, broad man, cleaning some glasses, not paying any heed to Dean, a mature, thin woman, with messy hair and a showcase of whiskey bottles on her table, an old man on the other side of the bar, passed out Dean supposed, and a seemingly young man, sitting a stool over, with dark black hair, a slender, lean body, and a beige trenchcoat hanging loose off his shoulders. The bartender walked over to him, a weak smile on his face.

"What can I get ya?"

"Just a glass of whiskey."

"Sure thing."

The bartender nodded and moved to the other side of the counter. A sensation on the back of his neck alerted Dean that he was being watched, and so he glanced over to the man seated a stool next to him. 

Electric blue eyes peered into his, fluffy, unruly black hair, and a small pout gracing plump, peachy lips greeted him. 

The man seated next to him parted his mouth, as if about to say something, but closed it, deciding against it. Dean studied him, and an odd familiarity rose up in his mind.

He looked away, lest he came off as a creep, and picked up the glass of whiskey that the bartender had placed in front of him, to swirl it around and take a sip. The burn that slid down his throat seemed to jog his memory, and Dean set his glass down, looking back at the oddly familiar man with wide, incredulous eyes.

_Where had he seen them before?_

_Hmm..._

_Wait- Senior year._ _Castiel_ _Novak, prom night._

_Oh my god._

How could Dean ever forget those eyes? Especially when they belonged to a person that Dean could absolutely never forget. His first love. The first person he had ever trusted, loved and cared for with every fibre of his being.

"Cas?"

The man perked up at his name and turned to Dean, a fond smile playing on his lips, as his eyes crinkled at the corners.

"Dean Winchester? I... Wow-"

Castiel stuttered as Dean's jaw dropped and he moved back, drinking in the sight of the man in front of him like a parched traveller in a desert. A small gasp escaped the man's peachy lips, Dean's eyes meeting the man's cerulean blue ones as he watched Cas's memory click into place. Castiel tilted his head, narrowing his eyes at Dean with a soft smile. Dean felt his cheeks heat up, his heart beating louder in his chest, shifting uncomfortably, as Castiel studied him with a fond smile.

_10 years. 10 years later,_ _Castiel_ _still had the same effect on Dean._

"Uh, hey, yeah."

Dean mumbled, and Cas raised his eyebrows, glancing at his drink, before hopping off his stool and hopping on to the one right next to Dean's.

"You uhm, grew up."

Castiel stated, perplexed, as he tried to refrain his smile, eyeing Dean up and down, with a quirk of his bottom lip.

"That's uh, that's kind of what people do."

Dean joked, eyes fixed onto Cas's face.

Castiel, as if drawn by Dean's words, met Dean's eyes, and a red tint spread over his face. Castiel licked his lips and looked away, scoffing with an incredulous roll of his eyes.

"I know, I- I mean, I could've said it better, I just- I can't believe it... It's been, what, ten years, at the most?"

Dean nodded, his eyes softening and a ceaseless smile on his lips. 

"Ten years, yeah."

An inevitable silence fell over them, and Dean sighed, taking a sip of his whiskey, and hissing softly at the burn.'

"So, uhm, what're you doing here?"

Castiel spoke up, his eyes settled onto Dean's face. 

"I uh, was driving back from Illinois, took a little break from driving. Gets tiring after a while."

"I know..."

To fill the silence that was dawning upon them, Dean cleared his throat and spoke up.

"So, what are you doing here?"

Castiel turned his head away, taking his glass in his hands and downing the remnants of it.

"Running away."

Dean knitted his eyebrows together, straightening his posture at Cas's words. He quirked his lip, and studied Cas.

"What do you mean?"

Cas sighed, and looked up at him,

"It means I'm getting away from somewhere I don't want to be. Yeah?"

Cas clarified, and Dean nodded, understanding that he didn't want to be questioned about it.

"What are you getting away from?

Dean can't help himself.

Castiel's swallowed thick, playing with the empty glass in his hands. He looked up at Dean, but his gaze dropped back down onto the wooden counter, fixing there as if he were engaged in deep thought, uncertainty written all over his face, and Dean leaned in closer to him.

"Hey... Is something bothering you?"

Castiel snapped out of his thoughts, and with an obviously fake smile, shook his head.

"Oh nothing, by the way, tell me, how have you been, Dean?"

Castiel said, changing the subject, and Dean decided to give up and go with Castiel.

"I'm good." He sighed, and Cas smiled, albeit weak, genuine, as he slid his hand over Dean's on the counter.

"Are you though? Really?"

Castiel urged, leaning closer to Dean, and Dean found it harder to breathe as his spicy, cool scent flooded Dean's senses.

"You know I never am, Cas. Who'd know better than you?"

Dean answered, and cursed himself mentally for the outright sarcasm. Castiel simply chuckled.

"Of course, who better than me? Besides, you're still overdue for an apology."

Castiel winked, and nudged Dean's shoulder with his own, breaking into a good-spirited laugh. Dean shut his eyes, resting his head on his hands, letting memories from the past flood his senses...

_Prom had ended hours ago, and Dean and_ _Cas_ _had rented a motel room, far away from their homes, to spend the night with each other. They had been seventeen, naked and exhausted, entangled within each other on a cheap motel bed,_ _Cas's_ _head lying atop Dean's arm, drawing idle patterns on Dean's chest with his finger, as Dean stared up at the ceiling, thinking of how he would tell_ _Castiel_ _that this would be the last time they ever saw each other._

_"_ _Cas_ _?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"I love you. For as much as a seventeen-year-old can, I love you."_

_"Dean? What's wrong? Why are you saying this so suddenly?"_

_"Because I want you to know."_

_"Well, uh... I love you too, you already know that."_

_"Say it again, please?"_

_"_ _Wha_ _-? Dean? You're making me nervous, why are you saying that?"_

_"Just say it again, please?"_

_"I love you, for as much as a seventeen-year-old can."_

_Dean had chuckled and tilted_ _Cas's_ _chin up to press a soft kiss on his lips._ _Castiel_ _had held him tight, as they broke away from the kiss, Dean's smile subduing._

_"What is it?"_

_"Nothing, I just-"_

_"You're trying to tell me something, Dean, I can read you like an open book."_

_Silence._

_"I'm... I'm not normal,_ _Cas_ _."_

_"Huh?"_

_"I... My dad and I, we... We hunt down monsters, ghosts, vampires, werewolves... We move from place to place, looking for things to hunt, people to save... I think, staying here is the longest we've ever been in one place... And I might... We might move again..."_

_Castiel_ _had stared at him with the amusement of a clown._

_"I'm not joking,_ _Cas_ _, far from it actually."_

_"You're telling me, monsters and ghosts and whatever you're saying, all of them are real?"_

_"Yeah... And they're dangerous, and I gotta kill them. With dad, of course."_

_"And you're not shitting me?"_

_"No, I'm not shitting you."_

_Castiel_ _had sat up, huddling his legs together, and wrapping his arms around his knees._

_"Oh..."_

_Dean had moved right next to him, slipping his arms around_ _Castiel's_ _body to hold him, touch him, as much as he could. He knew it would be the last time. He just had to tell_ _Cas_ _. And he knew that would hurt like a bitch._

_So Dean had coaxed him, told him about the truth of his past, his mother, his brother, how John took them places, how they learnt to be warriors instead of kids, every single thing. At the end,_ _Castiel_ _had tears welling up in his eyes._

_"So you're going to leave?"_

_The hard part._

_"Y-yes."_

_"For how long?"_

_"Forever,_ _Cas_ _."_

_"B-but-"_

_"I'm sorry_ _Cas_ _, I really am."_

_Dean hadn't been able to stop his tears._

_"Can't I come with you? I could kill monsters too."_

_Dean had smiled through his tears at_ _Cas's_ _naivety._

_"No, no, no, you're going to grow up, and go to college, and be that amazing writer that you want to be, and you're not going to think about this, or me, or anything, okay? And you're going to find great people, and you're going to fall in love, get married, have kids, whatever you dream of. Just promise me you won't think of me."_

_Dean's voice had been wet, heavy with emotions, lips quivering as_ _Cas_ _held onto him._

_"But... I can't forget you Dean, I don't want to leave you..."_

_"You don't have a choice,_ _Cas_ _, you're gonna have to."_

_Castiel_ _had gone mum, the only reaction Dean could gouge from him being the tears that streamed down his cheeks._

_"_ _Cas_ _, baby-"_

_"When?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"When are you going to leave?"_

_"Soon."_

_Silence._

_"Kiss me again, then, as much as you want, hold me, touch me, whatever it is you want to do, do it now. I don't want you to regret it later."_

_Castiel_ _had turned to Dean, pressing his forehead against the_ _other's_ _, hands sliding into each_ _other's_ _as Dean dropped a kiss on the corner of his cheek, nuzzling against his nose._

_Sure enough, they had fallen asleep within each_ _other's_ _arms, until Dean's cellphone buzzed, and there it was, what he had been dreading. John's name was plastered on the caller screen and Dean knew it was time._

_Slowly, he had untangled himself from_ _Castiel_ _, and slipped out of bed. He had dropped one final kiss on_ _Castiel's_ _forehead, before he was on his feet, and out of_ _Cas's_ _life for good._

"Hey, uh, I didn't mean to-"

Castiel's hand was on his shoulder, his voice filled with worry as Dean shook his head, dismissing Castiel's concern. Dean let himself be pulled back to reality, taking a deep breath as Castiel rubbed his shoulder.

 _"_ It's uh, not your fault. I just- memories, s'all."

Dean mumbled and looked up at Castiel. Part of him was still awestruck, marvelling at the fact that this was Castiel, his Cas, somebody he had been in love with for so long, somebody who once meant the world to him, and here he is, staring at Dean's face, concerned eyes peering up at Dean, warm hands holding him in place. 

Dean gulped. He didn't know if it was the whiskey, or if it was just him, but the urge to hold Cas coursed through his veins, and slowly, he locked his hands with Cas's, and brought them down onto the counter, caressing his thumb over Cas's soft skin.

"I'm sorry, Cas, I-"

Dean's breath hitched, and he swallowed down a sob.

"Hey, I was just kidding, you don't really need to-"

"No, let me, I need to do this for myself..."

Dean urged, and turned in his seat, holding Cas's hands in his own, as he looked down, unable to meet Cas's eyes. The fact that Castiel didn't want an apology even after what Dean had done to him, simply worsened Dean's regret.

"Cas, I... I should've said something, I should've left a note, something, I should've done something to, to tell you, let you know how much I loved you, how I could never stop loving you..."

Dean gulped, fumbling over his words as tears brimmed in his eyes. Cas touched his chin, tilting it upwards, towards himself, eyes soft and lips parted uncertainly.

"Dean, honey-"

"Shh... Cas, I- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, for leaving you all alone that night... I just, I couldn't do anything about it..."

Castiel touched Dean's cheek, stroking his thumb over Dean's cheekbones. 

"It's been ten years, Dean, it's alright... I forgive you, I don't hate you if that's what you feel... I know it's not your fault, and I know that you couldn't have helped it... So do me a favour, and stop crying, because I don't know when we'll meet again, but if this is the last time we do, I just want to see you smile, alright?"

Cas assured him, and Dean managed to smile at him through the tears, giving him a little nod, as Cas's smile widened, and Dean's smile mirrored it. 

"Sorry, just got a little overwhelmed, I guess..."

"Will you stop apologizing for everything? It's alright, Dean, no one blames you."

Castiel's voice was softer, and Dean couldn't help but chuckle. 

"Okay sorry. I mean, okay."

Dean pulled away, laughing, and motioned the bartender to fill up their glasses again, thanking him in advance, before turning back to Cas.

"So, you gonna tell me what it is you're running away from?"

Dean asked, and Castiel shook his head hopelessly, locking his fingers on the counter and sighing.

"You're just not going to leave it, are you?"

"You're speaking in such riddles, it's confusing."

Castiel merely laughed, taking a sip of his refilled whiskey.

"I..."

He started, and Dean turned, paying complete attention to him.

"I'm getting married in two weeks."

Castiel stated.

Oh. _Oh_. Cas was getting married. He loved someone else. 

Dean gulped, staring straight at Cas, although his mind was wandering off. He knew in the back of his mind, that Castiel was speaking to him, thinking Dean was right there, but oh, Dean wasn't. 

Dean was in 2004, in Lawrence, KS, standing in front of Cas's house, flowers in his hands, waiting for Cas to open the door. Cas used to look, in simple words, absolutely adorable, not that he doesn't anymore, it's just that, he's grown up, he's mature now. He's getting married. Dean doesn't know to who, but hopefully whoever it is will keep him happy and loved and cared for. That is all Dean can do now, pray that Cas is loved, wherever he is.

"- and I told him, we were- are you listening to me?"

Castiel nudged Dean's shoulder, and Dean snapped back to the present.

"Yeah?"

"You weren't paying attention, were you?"

Castiel gave a weak smile, and Dean shook his head to dismiss his thoughts.

"Of course I was, tell me, what does he do? Your fiance?"

That time Dean decided to pay actual attention to what Cas was saying. Cas smiled, and looked away, taking a sip of his whiskey, as he began.

"He's a manager at an IT firm, he's a nice man, goes to church, takes care of my parents... He loves me a lot..."

Castiel swallowed thick, eyes fixed onto some mundane part of the wooden counter, hands tightening around the glass. It hurt Dean, he wouldn't lie, to know Castiel had found someone, someone who loved him better than Dean could've. But he listened, even if it felt like a thousand arrows piercing his chest, he listened, for he didn't care about what Cas was talking about, all he cared was that Cas was talking. Cas's deep, hoarse voice, speaking to him, and it was nothing less than an angel's harp to Dean's ears.

"But? What's the matter?"

"I just feel like he's too good for me... That we're going too fast..."

"How long have you been with him?"

"About two years, but I know, he loves me a lot. He'd do anything for me, I know it, I just... Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him... Or maybe I just can't love him as much as he loves me..." 

Castiel said, his lips turning down in a frown, as he took another sip of his whiskey.

"Why do you feel that way, Cas? Do you... do you love someone else?"

Dean asked, cautiously, leaning closer to Cas's face.

Cas simply sighed, and a fond smile graced his lips.

"We tend to hang onto things, y'know, even the smallest ones... We feel that we deserve closure... We feel that... we deserve the things we want... But we don't... Part of me still lives with you, Dean... And maybe, maybe that's why I can't get myself to love Michael as selflessly as he loves me."

Dean's heart stopped in his chest, and everything stilled around him. All he could think of, at that moment, was Castiel. Cas's touch, Cas's scent, his eyes, his face, his laugh, his smile... Dean took a deep breath, wrapping his lips around the glass, and gulping his whiskey down all at once. He could feel Castiel's eyes lingering on him, and a pregnant silence filled the atmosphere.

"I wish things were different, Cas."

Dean murmured, and Castiel rested his head against Dean's shoulder.

"I do too."

Dean reached for Cas's hand, taking it in his own without shame, for he knew he wouldn't be able to do it again. So he held onto Cas's hand and squeezed it tight.

A beat passed between them until Cas spoke up.

"What about you? No little hunter girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?"

Cas joked, making Dean snort and shake his head.

"Don't have time for that, Cas."

"You seem to have a lot of time for me."

Cas bumped his shoulder with Dean's, his smile broadening as he teased the other man.

"You're... You. Of course, I have time for you. Especially after so long..."

Dean sighed, and Castiel smiled at him, moving away, and Dean craved for Cas's warmth again.

Cas took a deep breath and craned his neck to the side, peeking out the window. Dean mirrored his actions and noticed that sunlight had begun filtering through the window of the bar.

Castiel glanced at his watch and Dean swallowed thick, dreading this very moment.

"It's about six-thirty, I reckon the busses would have started running now..."

"Do you need to leave?"

"Everyone has to leave at some point, Dean..."

"There you go, speaking in riddles again."

Dean's eyes shot down, his hand going pliant as Castiel's slipped out of it. Dean looked away, knowing that Castiel was hopping off his stool. He placed a few green notes under his empty glass of whiskey, and placed a tender hand on Dean's back.

"Won't you come leave me? Say goodbye?"

Castiel asked, his voice soft yet heavy at the same time. Dean exhaled, before placing a few notes under his own glass and turning to Cas.

"Of course, I will, Cas."

Dean tugged at his jacket, and then hopped off the stool, walking in step with Castiel. His hand found Cas's and Cas slipped his palm into Dean's, giving him a soft smile. For some reason, Dean felt his heart sink. All at once, he was seventeen again, wrapped around the sheets with Cas, knowing he'd have to leave him all alone that night, as he escorted Cas to the door of the bar, pulling it open for him to leave, and following after.

The first few streaks of sunlight hit their faces, and Dean watched as the sky turned pink and purple, as beautiful as a handmade painting.

Castiel stopped in his tracks, shutting his eyes and letting the cool, humid air wash over him. It had stopped raining a while ago, and the sweet smell of petrichor engulfed them. Dean watched as Castiel smiled to himself, before opening his eyes and staring straight at Dean.

"I don't want you to go."

Dean said, thinking out loud.

"I don't want to leave, either."

Cas smiled.

They stayed that way for a moment, drinking in the sight of each other, for they knew, to stumble across each other again, in a world as big, seemed impossible. But for now, they had time. They had a few minutes. And that was more than enough.

"Hey, you remember, what you used to do back in high school, every time we had to leave each other?"

Dean prompted, and Castiel grinned, knowing just what Dean was referring to. 

"Dean..."

"Can you do it again?"

Dean asked, his smile diminishing as Castiel stood up on his tiptoes, cradling Dean's face in his hands. Dean shut his eyes and parted his lips, as Castiel leaned in closer, gently placing his lips upon Dean's. 

It was for a fraction of a second, if you ask Dean, and then Cas's lips were off his. But it felt like eternity, the soft brush of Cas's lips, the warm hug of Cas's hands on his shoulders, his spicy scent intoxicating Dean, as they parted. 

Dean opened his eyes, and felt them brim with unshed tears. 

Castiel simply placed his hand on Dean's jaw, and kissed his cheek, resting his forehead against Dean's. 

"Cas..."

"Shh..."

Cas coaxed him, and wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him against his chest, as Dean buried his face into Cas's neck. 

"Don't go..."

He choked out, eyes swelling and tears spilling. 

"Dean, sweetheart... I have to go..."

"No, please, Cas..."  
Dean pleaded, holding onto Cas's trenchcoat. 

"Shh, it's okay baby, it's okay... Look, you're going to go home now... Get back to work... You're going to save people, and keep them safe, you're going to be a hero, yeah, Dean? You'll be good for me, right, honey?"

Cas brushed his fingers through Dean's hair, and Dean squeezed his eyes shut, lips trembling as he cried. 

"Hmm..."

"And you're not going to think of me, okay? You're going to find someone to love, and you're going to forget about me, about this, about us-"

"I can't-"

Dean choked out, and Cas kissed his hair, stroking his back and rubbing an assuring hand over his neck, as Dean sobs into his neck. 

"You have to Dean... If you want to live, if you want to love again, you'll have to let go of me, right, sweetheart? Shh... It's okay, it's all okay... Look at me, here, look at me-"

Cas nudged him away, and Dean wiped his face on the back of his palm, straightening his posture and looking down at his toes. 

"Dean, look at me."

Castiel demanded, and Dean glanced up at him, too embarrassed by himself. 

"You're going to let me go now. You're going to say goodbye, and you're going to let me go, okay? That's the only way we'll ever be happy."

Castiel said, and Dean nodded in silence. 

"I wish we had more time... I wish I-"

"In another lifetime, Dean, maybe, when fate allows us to be together... But not today, not here and not now..."

Cas choked out, lips pressed against Dean's cheek. 

Dean buried his face back into Cas's neck, and held onto the lapels of his trenchcoat, dampening his shoulders with tears. 

"Five more minutes, Cas... Please?"

Dean begged, and Cas sighed, holding Dean close to his chest. 

"Of course, sweetheart..."

Cas muttered, as silence filled the space around them. 

And so they stayed that way. 

Holding each other under the rising sun. 

But only for five minutes. 

_Simply, five more minutes_. 

**the end**. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the big OL sad.  
> also I worked sooo damnnnn hard on thisss.  
> Do ya girl a favour and leave some kudos and comments, thanks!


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